I believe I’ve had HSDD my whole life. I am only now looking into this. My whole life I never felt sexually aroused, by either gender, even though I would have sex. I enjoy sex more with women than men, and also am more attracted to women. I much prefer being the giver, than the receiver. When my partner wants to pleasure me, I’m at a loss at what to do, how to feel, if I’m supposed to be feeling something, if this is normal, if I’m broken. I just feel nothing, emptiness when it’s my turn. And I feel ashamed and abnormal. My main question is, how did you discover HSDD and how did you talk to your partner about it, if at all? Thank you ladies!

I am so fortunate to have an amazing and very understanding partner but I just flat out tell him what I'm feeling. I tell him that I'm so frustrated that I have zero desire because I need him to know that it's not him, it's me. We've been together 18 years and it's just recently that I felt comfortable enough to share that with him. I figure that as long as I'm honest about my feelings, then at least he knows where we stand

Honestly, I felt like you understood me, SOMEBODY understood!; for the first time in my life, so many aspects of my sex life. Unfortunately, most people, especially men, don't understand and don't care to. Men physically experience orgasms differently, and the ONE thing I've been told over and over again? I'm too "difficult", that it isn't their fault my body is broken, and so on. A lot of us probably can't answer this for you because society doesn't find our inability or difficulty to have orgasms as an actual medical condition. This may be more appropriate for couples counseling, and could actually bring a lot of extra benefits. And, perhaps better communication between you two.

I can relate to so much that you said. I haven’t felt this way all my life but I definitely was able to notice a change. Maybe I wasn’t as bad before or even in denial about it but now it’s been too hard not to notice there is something wrong. I also am more into females and more attracted to them. I’m currently in a relationship with a girl and idk I guess I thought she’d understand but, unfortunately due to my problem, she has a extremely high sex drive so this defect I feel has been causing nothing but problems. We can even be in the middle of it and, like yourself I am the pleaser because of how I feel, she will lose interest in me and call it off and I’m the bad guy because of it. I try to be open with people about how I am feeling. Even more so since I’ve started feeling this unbalance within myself when it comes to anything sexual. Past partners did not understand and often would turn their backs on me unfortunately. As for my current partner, I’ve let her know several times that there is something wrong with me and i just wasn’t sure, still don’t quiet know, what it is. Why I am the way I am. She stated she understood but when it comes down to it, that’s not the case for us. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone but I wish that was enough to make it better. I hope that you are able to find treatment and are able to find partners that are better understanding of your situation. Having a support system is really important, especially if your anything like me and look at yourself as the problem like everyone does. I feel the best thing to do while you’re figuring it out is to stay honest with yourself. How you feel. What you want. We are pleasers but at what cost does it take for us, when we are struggling with this so hurtfully. You’re feelings are important too and if they can’t understand that, someone will. Stay positive dear.

Since you've always felt this way, and never felt sexual attraction or wanted to have sex outside of a romantic relationship, you may actually be demisexual. Obviously you'll have to look into it yourself to see if the definition fits for you. Essentially demisexuality is similar to asexuality in that you don't experience sexual arousal with strangers male or female, but unlike asexuality you can have and enjoy sex with romantic partners. A common misconception is that asexuals and demisexuals is that you don't have romantic attraction either, but that's not usually true. Both asexuals and demisexuals experience romantic attraction which can be heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, or sometimes aromantic (meaning no romantic attraction either.)